If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
