dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
