you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize