This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
