im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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