Someone shit on the floor
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
