I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
