haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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