Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
