WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize