Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
