Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
