Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
