I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
