My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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