You work out of a Hotel?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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