Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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