i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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