6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
