we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
