Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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