they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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