spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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