I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
