u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
