did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize