you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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