Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
