So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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