What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
