I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sext me about skeletons
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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