Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
wanna go halves on a baby?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
