I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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