u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
