You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
