What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
