just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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