wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
