I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
