I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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