I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
