I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dignity is for republicans.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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