So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
