Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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