i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
