dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My vagina is officially offended.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
