i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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