I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
