We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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