I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
