Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
