If i come over, it means nothing
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
