It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
