Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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