Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have feelings that need drinking.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
