eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
