i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
