I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love having hate sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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