Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
