He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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