Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
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I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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