well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
