Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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