God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
