the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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