Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
