I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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