my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
