You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
