nut hugger
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
