I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
