And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
