my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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