His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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