Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
